Meeting App

This week's cartoon - how technology could make church meetings more enjoyable...

An all to familiar day

I didn't sleep well so got up at 5:30 and did some emails, etc...
In the morning I met with Liz Baker for our first monthly supervision for three months - partly to discuss the letter I need to write recommending her for ordination.
At lunch time I took Ross Northing out for lunch for a chance to catch up on what's been going on.
In the afternoon I had a similar session with Mary Cotes.
In the evening I had a wedding rehearsal.
Between these events, I attempted to squeeze in some of the jobs that needed doing, i.e. planing three services for Sunday, checking out rules about weddings with the diocese, etc, etc... while attempting to give my family the impression that I'm still there for them.
It was an all to familiar day filled with valuable and important activities - but leaving me feeling drained and tired with rising stress levels as I deal with a dozen or so emails and phone calls asking me why I haven't done x - overlaid with a general feeling that there are many things that people would have wanted me to have done - and even more that I should have done - I love my job!
Having returned from sabbatical I'm looking at the same unrealistic responsibility-load I had when I left. What fun!
Some people have asked me if it's good to be back. My answer is - yes, it's good to see people again but I could do without the stress...
Do I want to do this forever - not on your life!

Dignity at Work

Bishops, Archdeacons and Area Deans have just received a very helpful document, Dignity at Work, which attempts to address the issue of bullying in the Church. It's available from Church House Publishing and provides some very helpful suggestions for diocese in terms of setting out a policy against bullying. On first read-through I found the following helpful:

• The suggestion that each diocese have a formal policy - it also provides a draft outline
• The suggestion that each diocese appoint volunteer Harassment Advisers to advise and support those who feel themselves to be targets of bullying
• The reminder that those who feel harassed often assume "perhaps this is normal behaviour here" - in fact my observation is that bullying often does become "normal behaviour" in dysfunctional parishes...
• The reminder that "unacceptable behaviour" is cumulative, in that it's not any one incident that crosses the line, but it may be a relative minor incident that causes a person to reach a "tipping point"
• A list of examples of bullying behaviour which includes a range of minor acts of harassment
• The statement that conciliation or restorative justice may be a preferred outcome for targets - rather than the removal of "the bully"

While these elements were helpful, I would also like to make the following points:

• The booklet suggests that bullying and harassment are "rare within the Church". My own experience would tend to suggest that it is often endemic and a major cause of clergy stress. In most parishes there are individuals or groups who operate in a particular way toward clergy, other members or the general public. This behaviour can seem "normal" or "minor" but can have a cumulative effect becoming damaging and hurtful. Once such behaviour becomes the accepted norm it can become a cultural issue which is then hard to address quickly.
• The booklet points out that it can be difficult to distinguish between bullying and supervision- particularly if a firm line is taken to address long term issues after a long period when no supervision is provided. This is probably a common issue since the dominant culture amongst clergy is one of rugged individualism where clergy consider themselves "kings of their own castles". We have allowed such a culture to develop and it can be hard to persuade "old dogs to learn new tricks".
• This can be a particular issue for curates in training and team vicars, since many incumbents can act in a hierarchical way, treating their juniors as "underlings" - "my incumbent did it to me, so I'm going to do it to you!" Most of the stories of clerical harassment that I've heard in the past few years would fit into this category.
• The booklet also has a lot to say about clergy discipline and what to do if an ordained or licensed person is accused of bullying. While I agree that this is important and we need to have such measures in place, I note that it has very little to say about bullying by lay people. In fact, there are several sections which are noticeably blank or vague: "When the perpetrator is a layperson, and the target is either ordained or lay, complaints of bullying and harassment may, with the target's consent, be dealt with in one of a number of ways according to the circumstances. [Set out any diocesan policy here]"

Overall I think this is a useful document and I hope diocese will take it on board, adopt policies and provide training. The key issue, however, is how to address the culture of harassment that exists in many churches and to slowly establish a different way of doing church. When I encounter such a culture, I often feel impotent, although I can see how much damage it is producing. Harassing behaviour can seem, to lay people, an effective way of "persuading" their minister to"change his ways". Bullying can appear to incumbents as an effective way of supervising their charges. Building a more positive culture of mutual accountability, trust, communication and collaboration can take a long time, but is ultimately more productive and is more true to the theology we claim to hold.

Befriending the Scapegoat

There is an old line about escaping from a bear. How fast do I need to run? The answer: faster than you!

For various reasons, groups and communities often feel the need to identify an individual who is the slowest runner, or the one perceived as "the problem". In a time of crisis or uncertainty this need is aggravated. The crisis can lead to "violence" between groups who could otherwise co-operate. Removing, or marginalising this scapegoat can restore peace and order within the group bringing about co-operation and general well-being - at least for a time.

I've just been reading an interesting paper by Thomas A Michael which looks at the issue of scapegoat. It's on the web: How to Scapegoat the Leader: A Refresher Course. I'll just quote his final paragraph:

"Both the authority and subordinates are fearful of chaos, so everyone demands rules, procedures, hierarchies and prohibitions to maintain order. Any member of the group who becomes too much like the leader may be accused of causing trouble. Any member who deviates too much from the norm may be singled out for scapegoating. When there is a lack of differentiation, the tendency is to search for one who is different. If the disorder becomes too widespread, so that nobody within the ranks can be singled out, then the result will be the scapegoating of the leader. It is not just because he or she is in a position of authority, but because by being in that position, the leader is Other. “Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.” (Shakespeare, Henry IV, part II)"

As I reflect on my experience of churches, groups and communities, I've seen this phenomenon take place a number of time, and I have to confess, have often been one of the people who was glad not to be the slowest runner when the bear is loose. How many times have I been happy that someone else was identified as "the Other" so that I had a hope of being part of the newly reconciled group?

Reconciliation through scapegoating does have some biblical resonance, but it's Christ who achieves peace by being set aside as the ultimate "Other" on whom all our "violence" is placed. He achieves peace by absorbing our weakness. Atonement could be described as a divine decision to turn and face the bear...

Within our churches, groups and organisations we do indulge in scapegoating, either consciously or unconsciously. Victims can include those perceived as a bit odd, those who's opinions are a bit "off the wall" or those who challenge our perceptions about how things should be... Bishops and other church leaders are not immune from the process. I remember Richard Holloway saying that there was a vacancy for a nutty bishop in the UK and media picked on him...

What's the Gospel message for us. Well, I suspect we start by recognising that scapegoating does happen within our organisations and that we all have a natural tendency to indulge in it - largely out of self defence (to avoid the bear). The awareness that it happens - and how it happens may help us to avoid participating in it... Perhaps we should also start to befriend our scapegoats, since a) we can't really get rid of them, and b) they are ultimately within Christ's redemptive will... Reconciliation is best achieved by hugging your goat - not abandoning it...

Of course, I also recognise that many of our clergy, and lay leaders, easily become scapegoats for the churches they serve. This is not an easy burden to bare, but is, as Thomas A. Michael suggests, an inevitable consequence of being "the Other". Perhaps this is another good argument for Mutual Ministry - or Collective Leadership - since our churches would then have to deal with one another, rather than bury the hatchet in the nearest available authority figure...

In the meantime, I'm tempted to get a t-shirt printed (there's a cartoon in here somewhere) which says "Love your Scapegoat".

Clergy Stress: Childcare vs. Ministry?

Today's Church Times contained the following question: Are there guidelines for stipendiary clergy (male and female) with a working spouse and young children about the ratio of their "Parish" to their "childcare" time?

Isla was witness to my initial response - which wasn't polite!

This question brought to mind a colleague who was criticised for not working hard enough, although he was active in the "parish" during the day and the evening. His "boss" came up with the innovative idea that the "ladies of the parish" come to the house in the early evening to help his wife with bathing and putting the children to bed - then he could be available for "parish" work all day! How's that for thinking outside the box!

I'm sure better legal brains will be able to give a more accurate answer to this question, but my response would be something like this:

No, there are no guidelines for stipendiary clergy about the ratio of time they give to the church and the to their family, but they must take both responsibilities seriously. They are both callings under God. Clergy also have a duty to study, meet God in prayer and look after themselves - enabling them to be effective servants of Christ and "fully alive" human beings. They are not bond-servants to the PCC but love-servants of Christ and must prioritise this calling expressed through the catholic witness of the Church.

Clergy must do their job (and will be called to account if they are neglectful) but this accountability must also consider reasonable working hours and good practice. I was once encouraged to think in terms of working 40 hours per week (equivalent to a normal employee) and volunteer a further 20 (because that's what church members do(!)). If a minister cannot fulfill their "duties" within this time-scale the fault is with the post not the individual!

I suspect a very human story lies behind this question. My instinct is to side with the minister against a dehumanising campaign of bullying and emotional blackmail. I could be wrong in my assessment of the situation, but I've been around long enough to fear that I'm probably right... My prayers are with the family in the firing line.

Clergy Stress

I've been thinking a bit about clergy stress over the past few days; partly because I've had conversations with or about ministers who have reached the end of their teather - if not crossed it. It seems to me that we are still imposing incredible pressures on some of our people, often for no more reason than habit. It's like the training incumbent who treats (bullies) the curate in the same way that his incumbent treated him - and every so often I hear a fresh tale of behaviour that is frankly unbelievable and I really can't quote such stories in a blog like this...
Some people might say that I complain too much but it upsets me to think of the top quality ministry that is simply squandered because of the way we treat one another and the stresses we accept as normal. I find it difficult to say "that's just the way it is" - it just shouldn't!
I picked up a book in one of our churches this evening while I was waiting for a wedding couple, "Pressure Points: How to Survive with the World and the Church on your back" by Peter Meadows. The wedding couple were very late so I had quite a thorough skim. It's a good book about stress - fairly familiar to anyone who's looked at these things before, but well written.
I noticed that the sticker in the front identified it as belonging to one of my predecesors - who did leave after life went a bit pear-shaped. It was interesting to think of him reading these words and to ponder how helpful they may have been in his time of crisis.
Of course, I then started thinking about my own stress. I'm responsible for the same church that he was - plus two more - with a number of other responsibilities besides... What's different? Why am I still standing? Am I still standing?
One difference, of course, is that we are more aware of the symptoms and effects of stress these days, so I'm sure we are able to manage it better. I suspect we have also benefited locally from eight years of development in shared ministry - this is not the same place that my predecesor served in. We are not the same people and don't have the same expectations...
And yet we still have a long way to go. There are some big lessons still to learn about letting go and finding a more peace-filled model of ministry - for all of us, ordained and lay alike. As I head towards my sabbatical I am hoping that this time will give me space to reimagine a ministry that is life giving rather than life draining - and I hope that when I return I will remember to live it too - for all our sakes...
(One week left to go...)

Pots and Kettles

I've had a number of comments recently from people who read the blog and think I work too much. It would be nice to publish some of these since they're filled with wisdom.
One of the comments that has struck me most was, "rest isn't a reward for finishing". I appreciated that, since I clearly operate on that basis. The problem being, I never finish...
Which brings me to the issue that I discussed with some fellow ministers this week - how can a minister stop working if there are things that should be done - and there are always things that should be done - and if they aren't done you've failed - and are clearly scum... the voice of guilt-management runs deep...
Lots of issues here. This question won't go away. But if we can solve it, we will produce a much more productive Christian workforce...

Review of the Year

It's traditional at this time of year to look back at the year gone by and reflect on what has taken place. I've been doing that a bit over the last few day. Here are some of the big stories that I think have been important for the church in Milton Keynes (at least from my perspective):

Implementing the Deanery Plan
The Anglicans in Milton Keynes adopted a Deanery Plan in 2006, but this has been the year when the rubber hit the road - so to speak. Key questions have been about sustainability; in particular, finance and deployment - which are related of course... We've had difficult conversations about deployment in Woughton and Water Eaton and a clear conscensus about future clergy numbers across the Deanery is beginning to emerge. The Deanery Finance Committee have been working very hard to tame the share and make it more transparent. We finish the year with a clear Transition Plan with projections up to 2018! Slowly, the process of share allocation is becoming a tool which will help us achieve our long term goals. I think we have achieved quite a lot as a Deanery during 2007 but they are still very fragile achievements. Many people would love to turn back the clock and return to a simpler time when they didn't have to worry about money and every church had their own vicar. The temptation to opt for a quick fix will remain for some time to come. We will need to be strong and determined if we're going to get through the next few years... If we have the courage to face some more difficult decisions and hold our course for a few more years there is quite a bit of light at the end of the tunnel...

The Strengthening of the Watling Valley Partnership
This has been another year during which the Partnership has continued to grow in unity, coherence and capability. Highlights have included Voices (the magazine), the Annual Report, the Special Category Minister application, the development of the Office, Christmas leafleting and the Strategic Plan... Many newer members take this unity for granted, but things have been changing at a phenomenal rate. A clear demonstation of this was the Christingle Project which resulted in fourteen school services led by a cross-partnership team. We are able to do things now which would have seemed impossible only a few years ago...
From one perspective this could be seen as overwhelmingly positive, but there are consequences to this development which I suspect will become more significant in the coming months. For example, a strong centre will inevitably have an effect on the life of the churches. This can be seen most clearly in the uncertainty felt at All Saints' and St Mary's over the role of their own church councils... A few years ago we agreed to work towards being a "Network of Communities". How much do we value the independence of those communities? What role should the "centre" play? These are questions that will need to be asked and I'm not yet sure what the answers will be...

The Growth of Lay Ministry
The development of Lay Ministry has been at the heart of the development of the Watling Valley over the past few years and this has continued during 2007. During the Autumn we have been working on a more coherent strategy for Local Worship Leaders and have begun to work with potential Local Preachers. People who visit us sometimes get quite excited about the level of lay ministry in the Partnership, but...
...there are still some high expectations placed upon stipendiary ministers - who are working hard to fulfill them and support the development of lay ministry in an area with a rapidly growing population and a relatively low number of full time ministers... It reminds me of the familiar comment that if you wanted to get to ... you wouldn't want to start from here...
We are working at the limit of our capacity and we need to change the way we function, and we need to have done it yesterday in order to meet the challenge we're already facing today...
Which brings me to my next point...

Local Shared Ministry
We've been looking at Local Shared Ministry since 2005, but this year we launched a Project Group to seriously explore how it may work in Milton Keynes. This Project Group was requested by the Anglican Deanery Plan and authorised by the Mission Partnership Exec in January. It met frequently through the first half of the year and finnally reported in December. This is an approach to ministry that could really help us deal with our big challenges, but...
Will we have the courage to do it? Will we simply absorb some of the ideas and carry on as usual, or will we find the collective will to actually implement LSM in Milton Keynes? I think this may be one of the big questions for 2008 and I'm not sure which way it will go...

Alongside these "big stories" there have been a number of other significant strands in the past year. Here are a few:

Oakhill STC: There has been a lot going on concerning chaplaincy at Oakhill. It was good to have Peter with us earlier in the year, and sad to see him go. But good to welcome Yvonne in the Autumn...
Christ the Sower: We've managed to put together an application for a new Special Category Minister post which has been accepted. We're very positive about the potential of this post, but the next task is to find a suitable candidate... In the meantime there's been a lot going on with the school - not least the launch of Taste and See, which has become a significant project... How will this develop in the New Year?
Work and Weariness: I've had another year with familiar ups and downs of stress and exaustion. Low points have been (as always) just after Christmas, the Summer and the second half of Autumn term. I rejoice to have survived another year but question whether I can do it again! I thank God that a sabatical is drawing near, but recognise this won't really change anything long term. We need to learn how to do ministry differently! Can I do what needs to be done?
Youth and Children's Work: In Watling Valley we appointed a Youth and Children's Work Steering Group in January. This group has slowly been woking towards plans for a Youth Worker and some new ideas for how we will do things. What lies in store for 2008?

There's a lot more I could add, and I may return to this Blog entry over the next few days...

Third Sunday of Advent

Doing Nothing to Save Christmas
I preached roughly the same sermon at both All Saints' and St Mary's this morning. Those who have been following the blog over the past week will have recognised some of the references I made to Christmas Stress...
I retold the story of rats on amphetimines and spoke about "Party Friday" and the predicted rise in domestic violence during the Christmas period... This provided an opportunity to talk about the need to create space during the business of Christmas to connect with eternity - particularly for those who will be visiting our churches during the next week or so...
At All Saints' Rozi bravely decided to follow the sermon by dropping her planned intercessions and inviting us to keep five minutes of silence. It worked incredibly well - top quality silence!
It is really interesting how significant this felt, although it's hard to put it into words. The challenge is to create a similar sense of stillness for visitors. Can we find ways of allowing the "still small voice of God" to be felt in the bustle of Christmas services?....

Candlit Carol Services
My plan was to visit all three of our candlit carol services this afternoon. I failed - largely because I misread our own leaflet! - St Giles' had their service at 4:00pm not 6:30!
Although I didn't actually manage to sing carols in all three buildings, I did visit each of them in the course of an hour; starting at All Saints' passing by St Giles and finishing at St Mary's.
The music/singing group were on fine form at All Saints' with some well chosen readings and well rehersed songs... St Giles was shut - obviously... and St Mary's felt warm and welcoming - although the organ is still to be connected...
The best thing about this afternoon was the confidence of our local leaders. They are in charge, they're confident, they're creative, they're mission focussed and they're extremely good! A few years ago we limited the number of seasonal services according to the number of "ministers" we had. That's no longer the limiting factor... If we keep this up, the future will be extremely interesting...

More Christmas Stress

Apparently there was an experiment in the 1960s which looked at the effect of amphetemines on rats...
A rat was given increasingly large doses until it dropped dead.
A group of rats were then given similar doses in a confined area. Remarkably it required a dose twenty times smaller to finish these rats off - "they went off like firecrackers".
I wonder if the average Christmas shopping trip has the same effect on us human rats?

Everyone needs a day off...

It's Friday! Breakfast at Asda...

The Christmas Tree is up and decorated and cards are ready to be written...

Tried to rest but we're both over tired... The effects of too much adreneline are definitely being felt - busy lives combined with Christmas - a potent biochemical mix...

It's amazing how grumpy everyone is at the momment as they race around "getting ready" for Christmas. Fight or flight reactions are kicking in as human biology responds to the need for action...

Tonight is "Party Friday" according to the police, who are also expecting a big rise in domestic violence over the next couple of weeks... all in honour of the Prince of Peace...

In his recent book "Do Nothing to Change your Life" Stephen Cottrell speaks of the need for "a day off at last". Doing nothing for a while may be what we all need - and may be preferable to Christmas as many people will experience it this year. Is this the moment for the Church to campaign against Christmas? - or just point out the silliness of killing ourselves with activity...